On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
