she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
