You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
