covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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