A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
