When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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