Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
