my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
