I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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