i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
