Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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