I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
