Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
