She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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