if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
