Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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