He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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