Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
