I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
