maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
