sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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