and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
