I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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