You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
