The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
