if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
