If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
