she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
