best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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