PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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