like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
