New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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