Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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