dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
