1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
