you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
