I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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