Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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