It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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