I will die if light touches me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
