Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
