It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
