It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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