Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
