when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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