I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
