I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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