Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i think im in europe. pls send help
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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