lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Drunk is not a location!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
