a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
