I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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