I just pynch a tree in the face
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
