Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
