You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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