Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
