how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
