I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
