if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
