Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
