Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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