My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
