im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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