There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
