you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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