I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
