Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
