i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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