That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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