I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
