Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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