just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
