The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
