If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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