Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
