I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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