were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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